Last week, I was in the midst of discussing leadership with half-dozen managers. An interesting question arose: What is the most important virtue a good leader might possess to earn a following?

Some in the group believed that being more organized, making sure followers are recognized and listening ranked highly. Those qualities certainly help, but true leaders must first be an authentic example of actions and attitudes that support team effort.

Picture an executive, manager or supervisor in your company or department who you truly admire. What do they say or do that defines their leadership style? They're likely a person with ready praise but who expects strong performance. Such a leader is effective because they are good coaches and avoid being cast as an umpire. I like what Ken Blanchard, co-author of "The One-Minute Manager," said about being a good coach. He said it is the act of "catching your team member doing something right." In our fast-paced world, though, that doesn't always happen.

In a recent workshop, an executive told the group that most bosses are miserly in giving praise. He talked about "pokes" and "strokes." When asked about the ratio of pokes to strokes, he said that bosses give four times more pokes than strokes.

It's amazing that our differences with others are, at times, so superficial while our similarities are far more likely.

Those who manage and who refuse to acknowledge such similarities will be far less effective in their jobs. They will probably live -- and die -- by constantly focusing on their differences with others. Good leaders know instinctively that it is easier to be critical than positive and that rancor destroys rather than builds individuals.

When asked what good leaders do to excel, Gen. George C. Marshall summarized his thoughts in this manner: